Humid minds
by Maguscrowley
Summary: A late night practice turns into a dramatic scene. Yay new chapter. I know that there Hasn't really been any good smut yet but don't worry I'm getting to it.
1. The waking

I don't own these characters ... there disclaimer ... as for some of the vocabulary here you should be able to figure it out. If not the any iaido glossary should help you. If enough people complain then ill add a short description for some of the vocab. But research into iaido is suggested and encouraged.

* * *

"The air is humid tonight" muttered Shinpachi in a breathy tone. His arms sagged gently in his pose as he watched the dew condensing on his Wakizashi. The clammy sweat on his hands was making him constantly adjust his grip. Sighing, he continued in hushed monologue.

"It must be past midnight; everyone is asleep; dreaming. I wonder if he's still angry with us for tricking him with a wooden iaito. Still, I don't know what to say after he declined our offer of my short blade. I feel so shitty now. It's like I crossed some point of no return in our friendship. Doesn't he wonder though why I always try to cook for him? Or why I really tease him. I know I can't cook. But I'd do anything for his approval; his attention his ... I've gotten weaker. Maybe I am preying on him because he's the only one less respected here then me but still I ... I ... have grown to love him in his innocent pacifism. His purity held in that small frame; that small frame that matches mine only in size but not in content. Tetsu-kun ... tetsu...koi. I want to hold you firmly as I do in my fantasies"

Realizing his gaining tone, he halts peering deep into the recesses of the back field that was part of the Shinsengumi's grounds, surrounded by a three meter stone wall that separated them from the rest of the town. The wall afforded no real protection in the sense that a fortress would. There are few that would dare walk up to the wall, much less scale or mar it. He stood on the wooden deck boards that made the walk way closest to where Tetsunosuke slept. Due to the moisture that had condensed on the well polished floors, keeping afoot was a particularly tenuous feat. Shinpachi's stood there still; barely touching the paper/wooden door that he intended to set ajar, just ajar enough to view the object of his ponderings. He stealthily tucked his old companion sword into his obi and assumed a lower pose. A shaking hand slid open the door that obscured the room that Tetsu was sleeping in. With careful attention to his footing, he peers back into Tetsunosuke's room, over his frame outlined only by silken covers. Peering at the slight curve of his absent belly and how his thighs clung to the sheets. Tetsunosuke turned in apparent slumber and Shinpachi gasped. His eyes cling as his hands desperately would. Tetsu's body showed the purity of youth and the slightest hint of manhood as the peachy fur on his chest turned a darker orange near where the blanket still covered. The clouds moved to divulge the moon; and at this astral winking so did Tetsu blink. A dumbfounded Shinpachi stared now intently at Tetsu. Both looked at each other for a minute until Shinpachi realized ...

"SHIT" Shinpachi's mind went racing as he searched for a valid reason for him to be ogling Tetsunosuke; let alone at this hour. The answer eluded him

"What is this, another joke?" said Tetsu as he raised holding up his blanket. Tetsunosuke had heard his whispered speech, the silent desperation and angst. He was staggered by the concept of it. Tetsunosuke had noticed his stalker quite by accident as he laid awake thinking of just the event that bothered his now discombobulated friend. Tetsu never did have much of an accusing face and when he tried to be serious most people brought his expressions to mockery, especially Shinpachi. He thought it better not to try to assume some unnatural expression. Why was he out there slinking? Tetsunosuke then looked at the Wakizashi held loosely in his obi. Better yet why is he armed?

Shinpachi followed Tetsunosuke's eyes to his side-arm resting under his left thumb. He panicked. He quickly moved his hand away from the short-blade and to a less threatening position. This gave him the excuse that he needed.

"I came to see if you wanted to spar" interjected Shinpachi in a hurried speech

Tetsu looked at him strangely; examining his face slight tremble of voice. Shinpachi could kill 13 men in there sleep without waking up the dog and dance on the blood slick floor without a whimper. But still a whimper in his voice now caused Tetsunosuke to marvel. Shinpachi! Like this! Tetsu knew Shinpachi had secrets. But THIS?! Upon mentally collecting himself he slowly abandoned his surprised face and pondered. Maybe it's better if I play stupid like usual, he thought.

"Is something wrong?" Tetsu's face softened

Shinpachi took the bait and then set his.

"I was just wondering around and I saw you sleeping and I wanted to make yesterday up to you." His voice was apologetic and weak. His words barely audible over the sudden but hushed rushing of the wind against the trees. Taking security in the muted din of the rustle, he let his words plow onwards into each other.

"SoIdecidedIdsparwithyoutomakeitupbutIjustrelisedthatitstoolatenowso........."

Tetsu was staring right back into Shinpachi's glazed over eyes; into his corona and past the pupils. He had never seen Shinpachi this transparent or vulnerable.

"It's really all ok now I've forgotten about the whole thing" a lie

Shinpachi straightened himself up and resumed his covering grin "well yeah ... so still since were up are you up for some action" the agenda still seeps through

"Well I guess..."

"Good then lets go" Grabing Tetsu's wrist.

"Wait" Tetsu recoiled

"What is this all about? You didn't wake me up to spar. You were watching me." he paused "I could hear you breathing."

Shinpachi let go of Tetsu's wrist. Slowly he came to the realization that Tetsu had heard him. Both parties knew that the other knew. Both choose to let it remain unmentioned. He continued in silent thought. Maybe ill just practice with him and nothing will come of this...right? Shinpachi disconcerted himself with the puzzle of unspoken words.

"I don't know I was just awake and thinking about what happened and what I did and I was really sorry. I don't know I was just thinking about you that's all" looking now to the floor boards, he staggered over his words up.

He knows well enough now that I heard him. Tetsu thought. Thinking about me... He was thinking about me. Is he gawking at me still? He's still looking at me through those desperate eyes... still. I'd feel so bad if I didn't at least give him some attention. Plus it's not like I'm going to bed soon anyway.

Shinpachi continued his pretext. "So umm anyway.... If you want to spar why don't you meet me at to dojo in a minute or so?" said Shinpachi in a more solid tone.

"Sure" I have no love for lying awake anyway thought Tetsu in parallel deliberation to his answer.

The tension had just subsided and shinpachi made a false start to step out.

"Ayu-nee has my hakama and gi though" commented Tetsu in recollection. Another lie fueled by both languor and curiosity.

"Just tie that blanket creatively" retorted Shinpachi as casually as possible.

"I guess" said Tetsu staring at the blanket that he held wondering. What now?


	2. Intense battle, warm caresses

glossary :

bokken, bokuto: wooden practice katana

Wakizashi: a short companion sword to the katana. Sometimes used by young samauri.

Iaito: bladeless katana used for iaido practice.

Iaido: art of drawing the sword.

Chudan no Kamae: a middle position in Kenjutsu where the kata is held foward and facing the enemy.

Kenjutsu: fighting (jutsu loosely translated) with the sword (ken again loosely translated.)

Tetsu had agreed. He said he would be there as soon as he secured a blanket to himself. Shinpachi thought this as he walked deliberately across the moist grass, the blades catching in-between his toes. He was playing out his battle plan in his mind, slowly going over how to tire out Tetsu. Maybe dull his wits and see what would happen. He cringed at his own lewd thoughts. How come I like him so much? How come...?

Without realizing he had come upon the dojo. Tripping himself on the boards outside the entrance, he fell in mid-thought to the floor

"Hey you sure you're alright? Should I get someone?" exclaimed a befuddled Tetsunosuke. Tetsu had been waiting inside the dojo as Shinpachi meandered across the grass. He noticed Shinpachi mouthing his words as he walked.

"No" Shinpachi said raising himself from the now more sodden deck.

"No I'm fine. I just need to dry my feet. You can go over there and get the bokken. I'm the same size as you"

This is when he realized that Tetsu is only wearing his blanket tied into a makeshift hakama. It left little to the imagination. His eyes took leave of Tetsu as he walked to the opposite of the room to grab the bokuto. Shinpachi then took his eyes down as he sat and used the still desiccated part of his hakama to dry his feet. After being tangled in his own hakama, he removed the ties letting, leaving him only in his gi. Leaning his elbow against his thigh he looked again at Tetsu as He returned with the bokken. He looked up to the standing Tetsu with a warm smile. Tetsu handed him the bokken from his right hand. Shinpachi went on to compliment Tetsu.

"Souji said there is much to be learned from your … technique" he remarked hoping to appease Tetsu and break any tension left in the air.

"WOW HE SAID THAT" Tetsu beamed with joy

"Yup, But don't tell him I told you ok?" replied Shinpachi.

Tetsu put his hands behind his head and bore a content smile as he meandered off in a fantasy.

"Ok. Wow maybe Ill start a dojo and people will come from all over Kyoto, no Japan, no THE WORLD, AND TO STUDY UNDER ME O' Ichimura Tetsunosuke Sensei" He slowly walked himself 3 meters from where Shinpachi was standing up and taking position. Shinpachi's mind was wandering again as he let himself loosen up. A grin crossed Shinpachi's face.

"Let's make this interesting. Let's see if you can hit me one time" The cockiness had seeped back into Shinpachi's voice as he took up his bokken.

"What are we wagering?" Shinpachi's head reeled with the possibilities.

"Nothing really, 'just a gentlemen's bet"

Shinpachi stood musing on the dojo floor; trying to bottle up his libido as he maintained his untailored manner. It was only heightened though at the promise of confrontation. He turned himself around to stared directly into the darkness outside the dojo. For a moment, he though he noticed an out of place shadow, but he thought better of it as some shadowed spot on the back of his eye.

"Ok here are the terms" he said with his back to Ichimura Tetsunosuke. He loosened his grip on his bokken.

"Ready then ........ Begin." At first a tenuous pause took them. They stood both in their positions ready to charge. Tetsu's body awaited a more definite cue though. A drop of dew hit the deck.

Tetsu charged forward with his bokuto leading above him. He covered the first two meters in an instant, rushing in a slanted sprint. Shinpachi still stood facing the darkness when Tetsu closed the final meter. An inch from bringing the weapon down full force against Shinpachi's shoulder blade, Shinpachi turned clockwise into his radical opponent and pushed Tetsu's wrists down and forward. The world spun around Tetsu. He almost was breathing on Shinpachi when he brought down his bokken. It was like he and the room moved rather then his opponent. All this ran through his head as he rolled once .... twice ...three times on the ground. Tetsu recovered from the rolling quickly though, landing on his feet. Tetsu swiftly regained his ground on Shinpachi and attacked again. Applying the same technique, Shinpachi sent him flying. Almost in vain though for he recovered himself in his unusually pronounced Chudan no Kame position. No doubt he lacked some form but his blows were swift and flowing and his recovery prompt.

Both then turned to each other and assumed Chudan no Kame. They stared at each other; Tetsu with his intense war face and Shinpachi with his casual smile. The wind blew gently against the trees setting a distant chime to song and the brush to whispers. The wind chimes far-reaching note hung still in the air with the moisture until being robbed by the dense night. It rang in their heads, and grew with each tensions moment.

In a mentally deafening climax they launched at each other. Both sprinting, they forgot themselves in the intensity of mock bloodlust. Tetsu also forgot however that he was wearing a sheet.

His foot pulled back against the weak tuck-in job that held the cloth in place and Tetsu's disrobing body was flung hurdling at a growingly wide eyed Shinpachi. At contact the momentum carried them both outside onto the warm moist grass. Each about a meter apart

Tetsu bolted in reflex action to the blanket lying in arms length and hurriedly tried to drape it back over himself. Both he and the blanket were sodden with moisture and grass.

A stunned Shinpachi laid stunned on the ground keeping the tumbling image of Tetsu's dynamic disrobing. He then muttered in a cracked voice "lets call that a draw"

Tetsu scrambled to refasten his makeshift robe. And stuttered

"Yeah plus I doubt that Hijikata would let you take me anyway. My room is close we should get some clean clothes on since well be up until morning now"

"Yeah you're right" confirmed Shinpachi

Shinpachi noticed now that Tetsu had walked over to give him a hand. A frantic idea took form in his mind as he reached the climax of his emotional and lustful desperations. His foot seemed to act of its own will as he discreetly tripped Tetsu having him fall directly on top of him.

"Hey! What the hell. Was that fo..." Shinpachi grew bolder as he leaned up, kissing Tetsu lightly. On withdrawing he realized his actions. And awaited its consequence

Tetsunosuke felt a wave of sensation run through his lips and face even after their lips had parted. He was hovering above Shinpachi now, terrified, on his hands and knees. Tetsu finally realized the depths of Shinpachi's interests. A look into his quivering eyes turned all to light.

Shinpachi tried to speak, to apologize, but again found himself kissing Tetsu; trying to lead him down closer. Tetsu began to fear until realizing in aside. Wow he really likes me. He's been doing all of this because he has been looking at me from afar. But he's a he what am I doing I've never ... then recalling the tension he built between himself and Suzu. Have I. I have but these thoughts were my own. Did they see through me; Shinpachi and Suzu? Or is Shinpachi brave enough to admit it to him and turn thought to plan to action, were Suzu and I are too fickle. What about Saya? Don't you like her? Guys shouldn't be kissing guys. What am I doing? He shifted from Shinpachi; looking into his eyes. Then continued thinking in aside. I feel so ... so amazing though; the weight the subtle sweetness in the sent of another male. These are things I've never dreamed of before. Or at least I never admitted to myself to have dreamed of. Shinpachi made the slightest motion to roll on top of Tetsu and he yielded. They stared now lovingly into each others eyes.

"Tetsu I" stuttered Shinpachi.

"It's ok" Tetsunosuke smiled. "I'm not so thick that I haven't figured enough out now"

"Heh... I suppose not" Shinpachi smiled softly "So what now"

Tetsu drew him down into a caress, letting his hands slide slowly of Shinpachi's back. He grinned lightly and began to whisper into his new found lovers ear .

"Maybe we should go to you're...."

"Own separate rooms and forget all that happened here" interrupted a cold, but hushed, imposing voice from across the dojo floor.

Their heads swam with frigid water as they froze wide eyed...


	3. Shattering ice

The recognition of that cold icy voice chilled the moisture in the air. Their blood froze and sent numbing palliative waves through their veins. Hijikata Toshizo continued uninterrupted by the night's sounds. There was a silent roar as the condemned's blood went rushing into their heads.

The figure sauntered towards them and into a streak of moonlight. He was wearing his usual navy kimono and black obi with his katana. He looked at Tetsu and spoke in the darkest tone his eminence could conjure.

"Tetsu, get clothed and well talk after morning tea." He turned to the other." Ill meet with _you_ now" Horror swept across Shinpachi's face.

"I ..." Shinpachi started

"Get off of Ichimura ... _now_" Shinpachi bolted up and locked his legs to keep his loosened Hakama up. Hijikata's glaring face moved closer and closer until Shinpachi was staring straight into Hijikata's neck. They stood there, Hijikata rising tall above Shinpachi and looking down on him. Shinpachi dared not to try relating his story. He doubted that Hijikata would even hear any reasoning. Shinpachi had overstepped his bounds and he knew it. Silently, he awaited the verdict. It didn't come. If this keeps up, Shinpachi thought, my legs won't hold out. Oh god... Please, gods help me.

"I think maybe tonight's perfect for discussing these things" interrupted a voice coming from a shadow leaning against a tree. All heads turned to that shadow. A pause was filled in by the remote sound of a leaping fish. Hijikata turned away from the shadow and back into the eyes of Shinpachi.

"Souji, this is none of your concern." Hijikata said to the ground

"No other time seems to be ok for this discussion; training given way to temptation, pederasty of skill and rank and pederasty of other forms." Souji had known that Hijikata was waiting to crush this affair ever first he saw the inkling of it in Shinpachi's eye. Souji had been waiting for this confrontation too. He knew that he had Hijikata trapped" You can't escape the hypocrisy of your actions now. You can't walk away silent to your room on this one. So lets ..."

"Watch me" Hijikata turned away from the accused pair and condemning shadow. His abrupt flight from the scene was clear evidence that he knew his disposition. Souji watched and pondered, but to leave like this without even at least smacking Shinpachi or something? Without giving me even the slightest notion that he respected me enough to hear me speak? It was his best plan of action, but a can not let this end like this. I am serious. We need to discuss us and there will never be a better opportunity. I need to make my intentions clear.

"I won't allow it" the audible grasping of a katana brought to light the gravity of the situation. The rattle of the blade within the sheath made the retreating figure raise his head. The retreating shadow stopped at the sound.

"I thought we discussed this." The dark-haired figure turned back.

"Silent rebukes a conversation does not make." said Souji now fully lit in moonlight. His left hand grasping the saya of his weapon; Souji continued.

"After our history you can't possibly be thinking of condemning them for expressing themselves."

"Watch me!" Hijikata repeated trying to reestablish his control over the situation ... and failing.

"I said I won't let you." Souji took the first motion to fall into a drawing position.

"I can't have other thoughts on the Shinsengumi's minds except for our objectives; and most defiantly not this kind of flirtation across our ranks."

"You know they aren't the only ones." sustained Souji "And certainly not the first."

"You're bordering on mutiny Souji. Stand down!" Hijikata was drawing his last cards.

"And you're past bordering on bigotry." Souji slid further into his stance. That had ended the discussion

"Fine!" Hijikata assumed his drawing stance

"You two should get clear." said Souji without taking his eyes from his opponent.

The other two looked at each other in fear and back at Souji.

"Don't worry everything will be fine. Now go quickly…Everything will be fine. I knew this had to happen some day."

The two nodded

Shinpachi dragged Tetsu to a safe distance. "Don't worry they'll be fine Souji said. Plus they get into debates like this all the time."

The fear in Shinpachi's voice made the comment less then reassuring. Much less did the wide-eyed face with which Shinpachi watched the face-off when they were at a safe distance.

The gravity of the situation deepened as both opponents cracked their tsuba from their saya. The air crackled with their ken-ki and the couple watched on in horror. Tetsu knew this couldn't end well. Tetsu thought of interrupting the battle before it started. The ringing in the air of drawn katana's made clear it was too late.

Some would think that a fight between masters would take forever. This was certainly not the case. The first pass ended quickly as both slowly turned towards each other. In the blink of an eye the battle was over. Hijikata dropped his katana to grasp his left arm. Both stared still straight ahead.

"Its not in your nature Souji to be merciful"

"It's not in yours to let guilt weigh down your blade"

A trickle of blood slid down from what could have been a paper cut in Hijikata's sword arm.


	4. Guiltings

Saya- A katana's sheath.

Obi- A sash used to tie used to hold one's kimono or yukata together

* * *

Souji mused over the pattern of curves at the base of his katana. This certain patch had always reminded him of a contour map. That kind of westerner map that he would, on occasion, come upon in a raid on a nationalist meeting. Or it could seem like a thin film of oil over dirty water. Red would commonly speckle the pattern and the maps and diffuse into the oily water. Thoughts like these are like tumbled stones sold at a holiday fair. Some would endue us a lifetime and others would be lost to a broken silk rope; a silk rope like the one that ornamentally ties his _saya_ to his _obi_. Silk like Tetsunoske's and Shinpachi's obi that lay not a meter away.

As steam from his breath made the refracting patterns fade, Souji's concentration was coming to the surface. We are like an old married couple sometimes, Hijikata and I. We don't speak to each other seriously about each other for months, even years on end until something like this snaps us back into focus. We both would like to say that our work must be our first priority, before our personal feelings that is. We would both rather feel nothing but our infamously 'insatiable' bloodlusts. It is true, that our bloodlusts will not die for some years to come, but what if we grow weary of being demons. What if one of us willfully wants to change into something more domestic, pastoral even before he dies? Where will we be when we have not the health to compete in the games of shogonate politics? We will be tossed aside. We both know that story well from the past. We both remember the time we had to replace an old wolf of nibu. I want to choose happiness in between now and that time. Hijikata we need to talk. Before we both pass away, we need to talk.

"Its not in your nature Souji to be merciful"

"It's not in yours to let guilt weigh down your blade"

"Hijikata we need to talk …"

"Haven't we already" Hijikata drew himself up and sheathed his sword.

"This was not the kind of conversation we need …" Souji followed the receding action and looked into Hijikata's eyes. They knew … Those eyes knew but they were self destructive eyes. The fire that burned within them was consuming them both. This was their consumption. Souji looked back at the soon to be couple. Could this be us all over again?

Tetsu looked on as both figures righted themselves. He couldn't take it anymore. Too much had just transpired without explanations. He raised his head to shout out in dismay all that had passed. Not even at Shinpachi so much as at Hijikata and Souji and their lacking dialogue. All the counterintuitive energy was mounting in him as he voiced ... a whimpered croak. Souji was staring at him. No … he was staring at Shinpachi. This could not be good.

Souji's thoughts raced as Hijikata faded into the night. This can't ever happen again. Shinpachi and Tetsu they must understand. Shinpachi he must take responsibility. Souji's anger compounded on his sorrow and it was directed at Shinpachi. Why? Because Shinpachi was doing what Hijikata had, albeit without knowing it? The anger poured out of his ill beating heart.

"Did you think your dreamt affair was feasible?" Souji's voice was teary.

"Did you think that all you had to do was slyly strip him of his clothing and show him the uncommon pleasures of the flesh and he would be all yours? You knew that at some point you had to bind him yourself before he fell for some in-experienced little servant girl. Go ahead. Do it! … go on lure him into your room and fuck him … It sounded so much better in your head didn't it, to let him give you a chance so you could be with him forever. You should save him from his little infatuation with a servant girl and give him the attention he deserves right? Look at you now. Now you know what you are doing. He never had any feelings for you so you are going to make him need you; just like I need Hijikata now." Souji finished with not a breath left in his weak lungs. His eyes stared straight into Shinpachi's.

What is he talking about? I never meant anything like that, said Shinpachi internally. Then what were you planning tonight? He was right. Souji was right. Had Hijikata and he been just the same. But I'm nothing like Hijikata. I never wanted to hurt Tetsunoske. I just wanted to …'_go on lure him into your room and fuck him!'_ The thought wreaked Shinpachi's internal deliberation. Was I going to? But I am not some kind of predator. I was just … _'He never had any feelings for you so you are going to make him need you!'_ But I …_' Look at you now. Now you know what you are doing.' _But I love him! But what if anyone else found out? … _'Did you think your dreamt affair was feasible?' _Oh god …

Tetsu noticed something shaking in his hand. Had he been holding Shinpachi's hand all this time? He looked up into his eyes. Tetsu had never seen this kind of pain before. He felt it ebb from Shinpachi's chest and robbed him of tears. He was frozen, stalled and oscillating like a broken pendulum. He looked back at Souji and wondered. Is that what's between Hijikata and Souji? He must have been blind to miss it. They are like an elderly couple. So Souji was comparing himself to me? … Was he right? Tetsu looked back up at Shinpachi. It's not all true though. I have never really thought of myself as queer. I had always just admired their skills, right? But … still, the thought did occasionally cross my mind. I have admired Shinpachi. Have I thought about him in that way? Maybe once or twice or … I have I have thought about that a lot. But I have always thought about the prospect of meeting a girl and marrying to, to have kids and move far away from any disputes. I would be there for all of them … Those things I wish my family could have given me. But I don't want to do that. It all sounds great but I know that that would never work. I have found more people to look up to here. Like … Souji and Captain … Hijikata and … and … Shinpachi. This would make me gay? I had never really thought of that before. I don't know if I am but … but what If I lose that chance? What would I have then? I need to tell them that I do care. I owe it at the very least to myself … I owe It more so to him … I do care for him. Souji is wrong. I do care for Shinpachi. I do.

His strength built.

"I do care for Shinpachi" His mantra became audible.

"I do care for Shinpachi" He stood up, letting his loosened gi and hakama hang in the damp air

"You're wrong about us I do care for him" Tetsu declared.

"Do you?" Souji searched deep into Tetsu's eyes …

"Things could be different with us" The word "us" left a strange tingle on Tetsu's tongue. Something is different here, he thought.

"Different" Souji looked back into the darkness that Hijikata had receded into.

"Yes, different … You don't know everything yet Tetsu. We are even more complex then this. I know you have just seen the devil that Hijikata is. He can be different sometimes too. Times change and so do people." He looked up at Shinpachi again. "You know what I am talking about."

"I know" Tetsunoske interjected. "I know that people change." Tetsu had been to caught up in his thought, until now, to wonder why Souji had been acting like this.

"Why are you like this Okita kun?" Tetsu squeaked in teary dismay.

"People change Tetsu kun" Souji Flashed him a familiar warm smile and walked off.

Tetsunoske gripped Shinpachi's hand tight and watched Okita Souji walk away. What the hell just happened here? He noticed some movement out of the corner of his eye.

Tetsu lunged to catch Shinpachi as he fell to the side.


	5. Matsuri

Shinpachi's body rolled over onto the hardwood; his head pressed against the polished floor. He laid there on his side rocking to and fro in a fetal position with. His ear pressed to the ground as he mumbled about Aye-nee's cooking.

"mumble mumble sweet bean rolls mumble mumble"  
The rumbling echoes of many feet sounding on the floor caused him to stir. Everyone was readying for the festival and their leave day. The rumpus voices of the other captains brought him into consciousness.

"Shouldn't we wake him up or something?"  
"Nahh. He'll be up soon. Plus, who knows, he might be wankin' off in there"  
"and We know you love thinking of that"  
"Aw stuff it. I'm not any kind of fagot."  
"Right."

The voices of the other captains and his subordinates faded into the distance as they moved toward the gate and beyond.

"Assholes mumble"

Lazily blinking the wall of his room came into view and his dreams of holding a certain someone faded. With this also came an aching back and a swimming head.

"Kso"

Through the pain he managed to roll onto his back and sit up.  
sneeze

"Kso"

He wiped the snot off his face with his blanket and looked at it. Though mostly clear, a hint of yellow gave warning of a coming cold. 'hmm must have caught something'

Looking down then at his lack of attire he wondered 'why the hell don't...'

The previous nights excursion came back to him; images of Tetsu, Hijikata, Souji and the hot damp night of waiting outside of Tetsu's room. He sprang up and took a hurried glance around. The normally comforting scene of his room seemed unfamiliar as he tried to asses the situation. Sitting back into a seiza position, he tried to piece together events in his emotional hangover.

'Tetsu must have taken me back to my room.' In looking down, he was glad to see that he was in his own room as no one took the liberty to re-dress him. The daze of sleep had finally lifted and ordered thought prevailed. For the moment at least.

'Id better get something on. At least my han-juban' Shinpachi went into his dresser looking for something while he recalled more and more of that evening. With his mental awakening things began to piece themselves together.

'Kso, kso, kso! What the hell did I let happen' Most of it was still blurry, but the mists began to part. Leaving the events bare for him to recall. As so, became more and more frantic.

'What the hell happened? Why the hell were they really fighting? Everyone knows that they are kind of ... together and they bicker a little but ... that was more then a quarrel ... Tetsu ... what happened to Tetsu' Panic and confusion was taking grip on Shinpachi. A vague memory of Hijikata's retreat and Souji's accusations came to view but were soon obscured by a throbbing headache. Red swam over his vision, obscuring the images. He thought about Tetsu and himself and what he had done. Was he going to rape the boy? Did he? The hailstorm of questions whirled in his mind until his legs couldn't hold from the shaking. He tried putting the other arm of the han-juban on as he sunk to the floor. Eventually his shoulders went the way of his legs and went numb.

'But I was so close ... he was there on top of me and then ... Did I force him there? Oh god ... what the hell have I done.' He broke down sobbing half dressed in the corner of his room as the emotions overcame him. Catching sight of his pillow that lay next to him, pounded it again and again with his trembling fist and the last of his strength. Before long though he could not will his arms anymore and they sank drawing him down his thigh and elbows. His hands now feebly clutched at his hair.

"Kso, kso, kso, kso, ..."

'I've broken the rules before but ... shit ... this is fucking serious. I'm dead!' Everyone had gone now leaving Shinpachi to weep unchecked by vanity.

'Hijikata is going to skin me. Running is not an option. Those eyes are going to burn me alive ...' With some help from gravity Shinpachi turned around, slumped with his back to the wall, hugged his knees, and shook violently in his fetal position, waiting for some merciful god to strike him down. He shook and cried and shook while exclaiming inwardly and outward.

'I stalked the boy. I made a trap and he caught me ... I'm a monster ... I'm ...'

The sound of slow deliberate footsteps froze him. His heart jumped into his thought and his blood ran to his feet. His emotions boiled over him with a flood of fear.

* * *

In the kitchen, Tetsu sat and waited for his master's tea water come to a boil. The tedious morning chores that he was given, including the present, were conductive to thought; laundry, sweeping, bringing up water from the well. As such, he spent this time trying to make sense of what happened last night. 

'What happened last night?' yawn

'Shinpachi really likes me huh? ... like that? I've heard stories about guy's doing stuff with guy's but ...' The steam rising from the tea kettle began to whistle as his mind wandered. Tetsu was brought back to the moment that they laid in the most grass, their bodies touching, and Shinpachi's battle toned body. The whistle of the kettle roared out in vain at Tetsu.

'I'd never really thought about that before ... with a guy. But then I've never really wanted to lay next to a woman either. It wasn't ... bad ...' His thoughts continued to wandered over Shinpachi's disrobed form in the dew. Then a shadow began to loom over his thoughts. The kettle started to shake as the bubbles pushed up against the lid.

'Hijikata ... He acts like that all the time but why was he there?' Tetsu remembered Shinpachi's reaction.

'Poor Shinpachi looked like a corpse. His body was so white when I carried him back to his room.' The tea pot clattered as water pushed up the the lid and found its way out of the openings. Lost in thought Tetsu didn't notice. He continued to muse over things.

'Are Hijikata and Souji really like ... that? I mean they do spend a lot of time together. They do kind of quarrel like a married couple.' He giggled at that notion for a moment until the novelty faded. sigh

'What am I going to do? I guess I could say yes to Shinpachi and give it a try. Even though he never really asked me out ... I guess that was his own way of doing it ...' He woke upon hearing the top of the kettle leap off. Tetsu instantly tried grabbing the pot off the stove ...

(switch to overhead view of the Shinsengumi compound)

"GAHHHHAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH"

sounds of birds scattering

* * *

"GAHHHHAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH" ... (in the distance) 

Souji looked up from petting saizo and chuckled. Saizo's ears perked up in curiosity.

"Puki?" With a smile then Souji continued to pet Saizo and lulled him back into complacency.

'I Wonder if Tetsu is ok in there.' Soon though his smile and chuckles faded and pressing matters then brought him back to pondering.

'He is in full authority to bring charges down on Shinpachi. He is a captain and Tetsu is Hijikata's page. In the current political climate there are no such things as extreme action. Now was not the right time for Shinpachi to act on his feelings. Shinpachi's demeanor alone would almost be grounds for action if one threw the book at him, but it's Shinpachi!' Souji stopped petting Saizo as his thoughts became more turbulent. Saizo looked up at him questioningly as Souji stared off past the horizon.

'Why does everything have to be so serious? This is how internal problems start. We have to keep moral up and people like Shinpachi are our greatest assets. Not only that but he is one of our most talented swordsmen. Hijikata can't just overlook these things to find a means to his end. These times are becoming more and more consuming. The battles, the loss, the politics, they were always there but something is different now. It's all more ravenous, more consuming. We've come really far now, but at what cost?' Clouds moved to obscure the sun leaving Souji's resting spot in a darker shadow.

'I went far out of my authority last night too but ... Hijikata shouldn't have the right. I can't hold Hijikata back forever though. What if I'm not there the next time. What if he takes the code into his own hands. We've always been demons but ...' sighs

'And poor Tetsu. He didn't have any idea that this kind of thing existed. And Shinpachi ...' Souji looked up and across to the captain's rooms. Shinpachi's was the only one left closed. Everyone else had left in such a hurry.

He wondered about what Shinpachi was doing at the moment. 'Maybe he's thinking about Tetsu kun' A smile broke over Souji's lips. Then a flicker of movement caught Souji's eye. A figure in a yukata with a katana. Souji recognized it immediately. 'No ...'

Souji stepped up and searched for his katana. After a moment's fumbling he realized that it was getting repaired by the clan smith. 'Oh god he won't will he. He has no real reason ...' Souji then realized: 'He never needed one...' He looked on in horror as the shadow stepped into Shinpachi's room.

* * *

The captain's room door was slid open by a delicate hand with long fingers. Shinpachi didn't need to turn his head to know who it was that walked in unannounced. Shinpachi's glance turned to his katana 'Can I fight him? Do I have a chance? No ... not like this' 

He turned his head again to the other side of the room that held his old wakizashi, the one he was planning on giving Tetsu. A morbid fantasy took form 'It's better then looking into those eyes' He let go of his knees and tensed to dive for his salvation. It was soon though obscured by the yukata of a looming figure. From above him Shinpachi heard that same cold voice from the previous night.

"I believe that we need to talk"

Shinpachi was not one to let the notion that he was afraid escape if he could help it. He summed up all of his courage to utter one line through clenched teeth.

"If you're going to kill me then get it over with. I don't like ceromon..."

"Shut up. I don't have the time or patience for your bullshit." Shinpachi fell again on his side to the wall as Hijikata continued his judicial monotone. He waited for some lines of a law or code to come from Hijikata's mouth. Hijikata had been his companion since the beginning but he knew that familiarity couldn't save him, it hadn't saved their previous captain. Then something odd happened. Hijikata's eyes lost some of their slant and rage. The voice of ice and death warmed and softened. Shinpachi dared himself to look up then to see the demon's face. Through a holy silence he could see the spark of a human history in the eyes of the demon. The world stood still as Hijikata parted his lips.

"Don't become me ..." Hijikata looked past the confines of Shinpachi's room into a past that few could imagine. " ... don't make Tetsu another Souji." With this Hijikata turned and walked to the door of Shinpachi's room.

"You should go to the festival." With that Hijikata left leaving the door open to a warm bright day.


End file.
